What hurts the most?

Hmmm....

Life SUCKS

2020 - THE BIGGEST CHANGEOVER.....

Shit happens. People change. Priorities change. Way of living change. 

Corona has changed things. It has indeed upset the established order and now everything is chaos.

The billionaires have actually made more in the pandemic. Meanwhile, the tears have dried on the cheeks of that farmer who can't sell his crops anymore and can't afford basic treatment for his family.

It is indeed the age of waking up to reality. Liquor is dearer than water in these times and votes matter more than the lives of the voters.

This too shall pass. But don't let the learning from these times fade away. The most important thing which I learned during this period is that , "Our life is UNPREDICTABLE".

There are days when I don’t want to wake up. Don’t want to open my eyes to the empty chairs and the silent air. Don’t want to lose the dream woven by the myriad memories that never were. Don’t want to feel the heaviness again, the restlessness again, the pain again.

I imagine stories to tamper with those memories. I create situations that there never were. I lie to myself, again, and again, and again, and again, to create these illusions that are just perfect.

Sometimes in life I wan to look around the city or town I am in.

Find a spot where there’s no one around. Could be a pond or a forest or a barren land. It doesn’t matter, all I need is a lot of nature and less human. Wanna go for a walk there, in the quiet, away from the bustle, and speak to myself about my priorities in life.

At. That. Moment.

I request everyone to try this once in your life. Just give yourself an OPPORTUNITY. Ponder on it, you are forgetting something......

Is it your career? Is it that upcoming exam? Is it being with someone you cannot live without?

Give it hard thought. Let those choices flow. Write them down on a piece of paper.

Now think up all the things that are making you insecure at that moment.

Is it your looks? Is it your body? Is it the lack of companionship? Is it money? Is it not being able to stand out?

Again. Write them down on a piece of paper.

Now compare the two lists— your priorities vs your insecurities.

The moment you look at them, you’ll know that more than half of your insecurities don’t matter to you.

Looks are irrelevant if it is academic excellence that you’re chasing.

You do not need to feel insecure about a little body weight just because everyone on Instagram is sporting eight-pack abs. Your priority is that promotion in your job, not looking good for Social media.

There’s no point in thinking why you don’t have Air Jordans like your best friend and a Mercedes benz or a Bungalow like his father when the priority in your life at that point is axing the next exams. (NEET for all the medical aspirants out there)

Your priorities should be dangling before your eyes like a carrot.

Your insecurities are simply born out of how you perceive the opinions of your friends or family or the kind of content you’re interacting with on social media.

The moment you compare this list, the moment you understand that not having the latest iPhone is not the end of the world and it’s mere peer pressure that is driving you, you’ll be happy.

We interact with and throw so much trash in our heads that our focus on our insecurities bog us down while we should have been focusing on things that make us happy.

Go to these quiet spots to reconnect with yourself and understand your dreams and desires.

This is something so simple, and it will keep you happy in this tough time😇

ME

Sometimes I think,
No one understands me. No one can really gauge the extent to which my mind works, how it wanders into places it has no business to be in, how it meanders into spaces that are dark and chilly.  
I think so high of MYSELF on some days that I drown in my own self obsession and narcissism. 
I ignore the reality checks.
I dread them. Run away from them.
I am so used to feeling all high and mighty that ignorance becomes my friend and illusion, my reality.
But it's that one hit that breaks me.
It's that one hit that kills me.
It's that one thing, which is enough to shatter my castle of glass and bring my house of cards faltering down.
I thought I was alone, when I were lonely all along.
I never valued the human voice. The human touch was something which I took for granted. I had my ambitions and my stories to chase, but at what cost. I spend my day in OVERTHINKING.
It's truly a tragedy- you are surrounded by people, people you never respected, people you made fun off, people who never mattered to you. And it shouldn't, but it does break your heart to see them happy. It breaks your heart to see that happiness which you know you'll never have.

AT SOME POINT, I TRULY EXHALE OUT LOUD..........
GOOD NIGHT.